The results of a recent survey of 1,800 goodtoknow women has put to rest the age-old myth that women lose interest in sex once they’re in a long-term relationship. When asked what’s stopping them from having great sex, the top answer revealed their sex lives are perfect just the way they are.
27% of goodtoknow users have told us their sex life is great.
It seems that rather than gradually losing enthusiasm for sex, suffering from a low libido or not having the energy, women continue to benefit from fulfilling and thriving sex lives – even when they’ve been with their partners for a long time.
Psychologist Donna Dawson, who specialises in sex and relationships advice, puts this down to a shift in women’s attitudes: ‘We’ve been inundated with women’s magazines telling us that really our sex lives are under our own control. We no longer have the excuses of ‘Oh, I’m too tired’ or ‘I’m too stressed’ because we recognise the symptoms, we try and avoid the situations that cause them and if we do get stressed or tired we try and remedy it.’
The poll of mass market mums, aged 30-45, concluded that while women face daily pressures of being a wife and mum, as well as running around after the kids and working too, sex remains an important part of their lives and one they won’t be sacrificing.
‘Most women have got pretty good sex drives and as we get older we know what we want. What tends to happen is you relax into each other, you know what works for you, you don’t really need to be getting wild and weird, you just have a comfortable working sex life that you both get something out of,’ says Donna.
But what about the women who aren’t having great sex? In the same survey, goodtoknow women also revealed that 23% aren’t interested in sex, 22% are too tired, 18% haven’t found Mr Right yet and 9% don’t have enough time.
‘Women can turn it on and off a lot easier than men can, and so it’s up to us to state the terms’, says Donna. ‘But sex doesn’t have to always be spontaneous, sometimes you have to plan when to have sex, particularly if you have children, and we need to see that not as unromantic and unpassionate, but actually quite wise and sensible.
‘When your sex drive is down, if you’ve been tired or stressed, you get into a rut, where you don’t want it because you haven’t had it.
‘You end up not having the urge and that kind of a hump is something you need to force yourself over because the rewards for doing so are so great.
‘The closeness, the intimacy, the great physical feelings, the vitality it gives you, it’s really good for your health as well.
‘You might need to put sex into a weekly schedule, give it slightly more time than you originally wanted to but the point with sex is once you actually do it, you enjoy it and the more you do it the more you want to do it.’
If you’re not really feeling the love right now, our advice could help…
– Too tired? Our quickie sex tips will take just five minutes
– Too body conscious? Try out sex positions perfect for your fat days
– No interest? Here’s how to boost your libido
And if you are…here’s how to keep it exciting:
– Have more fun in the bedroom with our top foreplay tips
– Make sex last longer with our guide to tantric sex