Come on ladies admit it, we’ve all faked an orgasm
or two in our time! One of the most common sexual practices around, women and men across the world are faking it even as we speak. But when we’re in the throws of our theatrical passion do we ever stop to wonder why we’re actually faking it, and how much better a real one would be?
The fake orgasm
Chances are if you’re a woman and you’ve had sex, you’ve faked an orgasm. It’s something that’s become second nature to some of us, and a handy tool at our disposal – but hardly a satisfying one!
Women do tend to find it harder than men to reach orgasm during sex which explains why we might resort to the theatricals. G-spot aside, most ladies need direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and not all sexual positions will involve regular contact with the clitoris. This can be remedied by changing your sex positions, spending longer time on foreplay, and if you haven’t already found it, looking for the elusive G-spot.
Sex and relationships expert Dr Pam Spurr says: ‘For women who don’t have rock-solid confidence and high self-esteem they may feel unworthy of trying to get their partner to discover with them how to bring them to climax. They figure it’d be too much trouble for their partner and that they’re not worth it. Many women in this position also worry that there’s something ‘wrong with’ them. So with these complex and largely negative feelings, they find it easier to fake.’
The problem with faking it
It goes without saying that in fact every time we fake it we’re missing out on the real thing, but we’re also getting ourselves and our partners into bad habits which can be a tricky cycle to break. If your partner believes that you’re reaching climax because of his sexual techniques, then he’ll keep on using the same one which can then trap you into faking it again and again.
So just what is it that makes us feel the need to fake it? We asked you this question on goodtoknow…
The top five reasons for faking it:
1. So he doesn’t get upset. Around 47% of you said you’d fake your orgasms so you wouldn’t hurt his feelings! It can dent a man’s ego to feel that he doesn’t turn you on or can’t satisfy you, so you choose to spare his feelings.
2. Because you want him to finish! This is the second most popular reason for our readers with 18% of you saying it’s to encourage him to hurry up. Perhaps the sex has gone on too long and you’re starting to get a bit tired and uncomfortable.
3. You’re scared you’re taking too long. With 14% of you worried you were taking too long to reach orgasm, you were prepared to sacrifice your climax and end it prematurely to save embarrassment!
4. You’re bored! Only 13% of you said you faked it because you were bored and unstimulated with your partner. Generally we might fake the orgasm because quite simply the guy doesn’t turn us on or doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing!
5. Because you’re embarrassed if you don’t reach climax. Around 8% of you said you felt bad if you couldn’t orgasm and so faked it to avoid your own personal issues. It’s important to remember that during sex you and your partner are sexually stimulated at different rates, and it may take one of you longer to orgasm.
How to stop being an orgasm fake and get real!
The first step to any issue is to admit it! Tough as this may be it’s really time to raise it with your guy.
Dr Pam suggests: ‘While it’s too daunting to ‘fess up to repeatedly lying to your partner about having faked orgasms, instead it’s better to make a fresh start in bed and start saying things like: “I’ve been feeling a bit stressed/tired and am finding it harder to get aroused/reach orgasm. I’d love it if we could try… X, Y or Z, as I think this would help me while I’m feeling this way.” Saying something like this gives you the opener to try new ways of getting aroused. You can also emphasise that because you’re “tired/stressed” you need more time to reach orgasm.’
Spend some time on foreplay! The longer you play together, the more turned on you’ll both be when it comes to the sex. Start things slowly and subtly and then build up the pace. Guide his hands if necessary so he knows what to do. Make sure he reaches all your erogenous zones! When he gets it right really encourage him with sounds. This will help him remember for next time!
If you’ve been faking it for a long time it can become pretty difficult to believe that you’ll ever have a real orgasm again. Don’t give up hope. If needs be spend some time alone practicing. Buy yourself a sex toy and find out what really works for you. There’s no reason your guy can’t do everything a toy can do – and more! You can even use the toys with him to spice things up a bit.
Find your perfect sexual position!
It’s all about the right sex position! Whether you tend to orgasm through clitoral or G-spot stimulation (or both!), don’t be scared to experiment with different sex positions until you find one which hits the spot!
Dr Pam adds: ‘A top tip is to ask if he’d like ‘girls on top’ position where you go on top of him and can control that angle, speed and friction of his thrusting.’
Chances are if you’ve got into a routine with your sex life, your fella will love a fresh new approach to sex and will make extra effort!
Be a little bit selfish! It may sound harsh, but if you’re faking it to spare his feelings, it’s really time to consider what it’s doing to yours and your sexual confidence!